jesterlies | INBOX

[ The hand around his neck actually surprises him. The surprise should be hilarious, maybe, all things considering but he truly didn't think Shadow Milk would go for him.

Anything he might have said in that moment is choked away underneath that hand but he doesn't move his own. His fingers stroke against Shadow Milks cheek, even as his eyes flutter as he tries to get a breath in around the hand squeezing down around him for that brief moment. He can hear the thudding of his heart in his ears, growing louder.

And then it's relaxing and he inhales with a soft gasp. He can hear the pain swirling in his mind, pulsing into his soul from his Other Half. The cry for saving and his heart wrenches at it. He tightens his hand around Shadow Milks wrist, fingers pressed into the pulse there. ]

I'm here.

[ He's a little rough due to the previous squeeze, but soft. ]

I love you. I'm here. I will never leave you. You're not alone, my Soul. I love you, I love you-

[He gasps, finally ...finally coming back up for air. Breaching the surface, after drowning in his own personal milk lake of misery. His hand falls away from Vanilla's neck, and he- struggles for what to do with it. He sets it against his arm.]

[He can't stop the tears, he's just heaving sobs one after another, like he'll die if he doesn't get it all out of him. Like he'll just stop breathing if he doesn't.]

[Pure Vanilla's words sear their way into him. I love you. I'm here. I will never leave you. He's been so desperate to hear something like that his entire life and now it scares him, but he wants so badly to embrace them. To hold them. He just tried to seriously hurt Vanilla again, almost couldn't control himself, and he's still sitting there, holding him, and telling him that he loves him.]

[It's almost too much.]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, please- I didn't want-

[ The pain is like a maelstrom; tugging and pulling, forcing him under. And it's not even his. His soul screams in agony with Shadow Milks, and all he wants to do is reach out and soothe it. Hold it tightly against his own until it stops bleeding out.

The words echoing in his head get a soft, pained noise out of him and he pulls Shadow Milk in against him, arms going tightly around him. Like he can hold him tight enough to keep him together, from coming apart. ]

No, shh, I forgive you. I know. I know.

[ He lashes out because it's all he knows to do when he's hurt. Vanilla exhales softly and reaches out with his soul towards Shadow Milks. The connection is always open, they feel each other without even reaching out, but he reaches out anyways. Rather than sink himself into Shadow Milks, he tugs him into his. Encompasses him, cocoons him. ]

I have you.

[And he goes easily. Exhausted, spent, still crying out the dregs of his emotions that feels almost endless. Tears that would have cultivated swaths of Milkcrown flowers. He rests against him, weak and tired. One of his hands is still bloody and bruised, swelling from his outburst, but the other tries to hold onto him in some way.]

[He feels Vanilla's soul around his, and that safety floods him. His heart finally begins to calm down, his breathing hitches less. He really a pathetic, miserable creature, isn't he? Screaming and lashing out because ...because he had been faced with a piece of himself that he truly feared?]

[And he had gotten jealous, too. Shameful. Vanilla said that he loved him, and it shined with a Truth so grand that it made him want to scream and cry all over again. And now...he feels something rise up in him. Something imploring and hopeful, something sad, something-]

I also...

[The words are halting, hesitant. Maybe even a little afraid. But there are also familiar.]

Love you.

[Its small and soft, but it comes easier than he expects. Of course he loves him, his love for him had been what nearly ended him. His love for him burns so bright and deep it nearly drives him to madness. He would rather die than be apart from him ever again, but saying it...oh, it is. It feels much bigger.]

[ The fingers clutching against him makes him sigh, and he turns his own into Shadow Milks hair, gripping tight against the parts of it that he can. Secures him against him, wraps himself around him physically as he does with their souls. An anchor he can cling to, as the storm begins to subside.

And he doesn't think Shadow Milks pathetic, or miserable, his soul washing softly over those feelings. Gentle, tender, soothing them away as one would wipe tears. No. His Bluebird is hurt. Afraid. Terrified of finding himself and of losing himself all over again. Who wouldn't be? He was rebaked. Vanilla understands. He understands with every inch of his soul.

The rising feeling in the other makes his breathing catch just a little. It's so fragile, but it flutters with Hope. And the memory of the words makes him turn his head into against Shadow Milks, tears squeezing at the corner of his eyes as he cries for him. But the words. The words makes the tears not of pain.

They're so quiet, and they raise Hope in him as well. Shadow Milk is not ready yet to step down that path, but the work he's done hadn't been destroyed.

Rather than reply at first, Vanilla floods him with affection. Love as bright as the Sun, as scorching as it, to mingle with Shadow Milks own fire. In against his ear he whispers, and it echos in their connection. ]

I love you. You will never be alone again. I will never leave you. I love you. We're together and will remain so.

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