jesterlies | INBOX

( the night since their return has been- unsettling. more still when shadow milk leaves for his research hall and pavlova is isolating. she'd been trying to calm herself when she'd realized the soft hum of silence that has been touching her mind for weeks now was suddenly gone. all she could think at the time was that something is wrong.

and then silent salt cookie sends his one thought forward.

tend to shadow milk.

very little spurs her into action as quickly. with an almost panicked rush, she pulls pure vanilla cookie from his room, tugging him across the grove to the research hall with no explanation-

maybe it's the winter chill, but something about the research hall feels so much colder than usual. there is a scent of blueberries in the worst ways, something she's only smelled when he's... lashing in at himself. her stomach churns, but it's the way to go. eventually however, one arm linked with pure vanilla's for stability, she calls out: )

Shadow Milk Cookie...?

( Pure Vanilla knows. If White Lily is in a panic, it's nothing to take lightly. If he's grateful for anything at this moment, it's the fact that he's here to confront anything that she needs help with. Though, it's only moments later when he feels it in his souljam -- something is wrong. Realization hits him, and he only begins to walk all the more quickly.

He won't stop her from leading the way, merely squeezing her hand in reassurance. In that moment, words aren't needed.

The scent of blueberries reaches him, and his lips press together into a thin line. What happened? What was alarming him so? Perhaps it involved Pavlova? Pure Vanilla hasn't failed to notice his sudden absence. He remains close to White Lily's side as they walk further into the research hall together. )

Please, Shadow Milk Cookie. Whatever is the matter, we are both here to help...

[At first, they do not get a response. The Hall is unsettlingly quiet, however Pure Vanilla will be able to feel that he is close through the jam.]

[After a moment they both get a mental tug. A very brief Here, and he will pass them an image of the front classroom.]

[As they come inside he will be easily visible, slumped against the wall. His face is marred with jam, but it's clearly his own blue, acrid smelling jam. It's all over his hands and fingers, too. His sharp, almost claw-like nails.]

[He sits with his head tipped back against the wall, his eyes closed. Around him, interestingly are a small dotting of milkcrown flowers, having popped out of the woodwork somehow.]

I'm fine. You should see the other guy.

[Lie.]

( the call, however brief, is enough. relief and anxiety meld together for a moment before anxiety wins out, and she leads pure vanilla to the classroom as they were told.

...

and her heart shatters.

in just an instant she lets go of pure vanilla to rush to his side, cupping his face with wide, almost teary eyes as she thinks to a field of milkcrown and every other time he's clawed at himself- but never so viciously. )

Shadow-!!

( His voice reaches the both of them, and Pure Vanilla rushes further with White Lily until the pull of his Soul Jam begins to cease. He won't hesitate to rush to his side, instantly using his healing magic to seal the self-inflicted scratches.

It's difficult to breathe for a moment, his heart and stomach sinking and his throat is dry. Even when Shadow Milk seemed to lose himself in anger, it was nothing like this. It was not as agonizing or painful to feel.

He reaches for one of his hands. Never mind the blood. What matters now is making sure he's alright, that he'll be alright.

We're here is what he intends to convey without repeating himself. His words are said slowly and quietly, and he's not able to hide the way his voice shakes. Another hand moves to gently tuck stray hair behind his ear. )

You do not have to answer yet, but-- What has happened?

( He won't ask if he's okay. He isn't. It'd be foolish to ask. It might just make it worse. )

[It's strange. This should be the lowest of the lowest for him, this moment. He just learned that everything he's ever destroyed or wrought, ever little lie or rumor he's ever told, all of it had been for nothing. The kingdoms he toppled, the lives lost, the blood on his hands.]

[It had been for getting the witches attention, for rejecting the role that had given him when cookiekind had rejected him. Even if it seemed briefly they returned, just to imprison them, then it had meant he'd won. But now? Now, none of that had been true. A sweet lie being held right under his nose.]

[This should be it for him, this should be another moment of him standing above the yogurt river.]

[But it isn't. He called out and someone answered, and now as he cracks his eyes open, as the beholders in the room settle on the two before for him, he smiles, just a little through the blood on his face. He leans his face into White Lily's cupped hand, squeezes Vanilla's fingers and chuckles a little.]

Nothing that matters anymore. Ancient history.

( something happened. which is incredibly obvious, yes, but- she's never seen him like this before. her thumb brushes against his cheek softly as her other hand reaches for his own free hand.

silent saltwas involved somehow, if only because he knew to send her this way to begin with, but... ...should she pry right now?

a faint glow emits from her hand, soft and warm against the gashes on his cheek. her healing is nothing compared to pure vanilla's, so she'll understand if he joins her, but- she has to. she has to. )

It still hurt you like this...

( For just a second, Pure Vanilla glances between White Lily and Shadow Milk. It's brief enough to be barely noticeable. He has questions, yet they can wait. His attention is instantly back on his other half, and he won't interrupt White Lily's healing with his own. Rather than that, he sends her a grateful look. If he takes over, it's only if Shadow Milk's wounds aren't completely closed.

The smile doesn't reassure Pure Vanilla, but instead he focuses on the way that he squeezes his hand, the fingers intertwined within his and his response to White Lily. It isn't unusual for Pure Vanilla to see his affections at this point, and yet he can't help but think that the comfort that the both of them are offering him are ultimately what he needs the most right now. )

White Lily Cookie is right. Anything that effects you as it has now... it is nothing insignificant.

[After a moment, when the healing has run its course, and the pain he is so used to using to outlet the tumultuous emotions that often rage through him has ebbed into something strangely warm and comforting, he sighs through his nose and considers the two in front of him.]

For the self proclaimed Master of Deceit, you’d think I would catch a blatant lie told right in front of me. Haaa twice now, I’ve had the wool pulled over my eyes!

[A soft bitter laugh.]

What a riot, huh? Tell me, what story were you told when you arrived in the Silver Kingdom? About how we were sealed away.

When one is an expert, they often fail to see clearly their domain.

( especially when they come with an ego. though for once she refrains from running her mouth and accidentally kicking him while he's down...

lily frowns though as the words echo in her head. )

The Five Virtues fell to corruption as their power drove them mad, and they began slaughtering their very charges. As a result, the Witches sealed them away within the Silver Tree and bade Elder Faerie Cookie guard it and ensure the seal never broke...

... Is... that not the truth?

( Pure Vanilla frowns grimly. He understands Shadow Milk enough to know that if it was truly upsetting him as much as it has, then what he had known as the truth was... not the case at all. Perhaps... the truth was simply something that was being protected.

Pure Vanilla knows -- lies can hurt, but... the truth can hurt just as horribly.

He looks to White Lily for a moment. Just as what Shadow Milk had learned, her words speak a harsh truth. )

If you were without knowledge of the truth, then I believe that it is not without reason.

Shadow Milk Cookie... for something to have hurt you so, then it must have been a truth that you strongly believed in. It is not something that you alone have done or experienced.

( He reaches forward then, gently cupping on his cheeks, thumb circling around skin gently. )

Both of us are here to listen, no matter what the truth may be.

[Shadow Milk is eerily quiet at first before there’s a lurch almost, from his chest. Something distraught and unhinged bubbles out of him, laughter of someone who’s been broken for thousands of years.]

[He sits there being cupped and held by gentle hands but the tears fall regardless, Milkcrown blooming denser on the ground around them.]

The Witches had abandoned us. Their silence had been a curse, a black spot in my mind. Tirelessly I worked! To burn down everything around me, to drag as many down with me as I could! To destroy everything I had ever cared about, just to get their attention.

[He pulls away, curls up against his knees and fists his hair.]

It was all for nothing! The Witches had never come back! What a hilarious lie we were all fed! Hahahaha! Sealed by the one I worked so hard to bring down with me! In the end he was the one who had the last laugh! Upstaged by that fool, I can’t believe it!

[By the end his voice is frayed, raw. He sounds like he might start screaming or sobbing its hard to say which, perhaps he will dig his nails right into his skin again.]

( lily listens, eyes growing wider and face growing paler with every word echoing in her mind-

silent salt cookie had lost everything at the hands of his fellow virtues. and in turn... in turn, he had sealed them and himself away.

a betrayal on both sides, heartache that seemed completely inevitable for everyone involved- was this the way the beasts were meant to be? abandoned, self-sabotaging, backstabbing? and the witches... the witches-

but she's quickly ripped from her thoughts as he starts clawing at himself again. lily pulls his hands away, holding them tightly in her own. )

Shadow, please, don't... we're with you, now.

INBOX

[AFTER THE CONFESSION] cw: allusions to self harm

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Cw: more self harm Heeey ive never used this icon before congrats

my BABY