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[ Him braiding his hair like that is delightfully adorable. Is it out of nerves? To merely keep it away? Ah, White Lily would love this man too.

Why does that fill him with such jealousy?

He takes the tea can in surprise, turning it around, delighted. Blueberry, Vanilla, and Milkdrop. He's silent for a moment, taking in the implications, his smile softening as he stares at the can. Oh, Shadow Milk. Comprehension may be asleep but he understands it now. Why you're so afraid to come back to this man.

Conjuration makes him laugh lightly, still holding the can like it's precious, glancing back up with the sweetest smile. ]

That explains quite a lot!

[ Shadow Milks juggling, his pranks and gags. Flashy. To spark joy.

No, he will not elaborate, if Blueberry wishes to know, he must ask.]

You must forgive me, for I truly am insatiable when it comes to learning about you. Do you enjoy theatre? Dance? Music? What is your favorite flower out of every one that you grow? What do you dream for, yearn for the most?

[Oh, he gives a knowing little laugh at that. He will not ask to elaborate, and he will not explain why. Perhaps he knows more than he is letting on? It's hard to say.]

I shan't for there is nothing to forgive. I've not had such a riveting conversation in thousands of years.

[More questions, more questions, once that he is having fun answering for once. Ones that make him think.]

Oh, I adore the Arts. Such things are so important for the enrichment of Cookiekind. Knowledge, understanding, and the sharing of complex idea sometimes can only be done through art, don't you think? Mm, it's hard to choose just one. The Blueberry Beholders are quite the funny plant, and I enjoy cultivating them. I do like Milkcrown but their cultivation is ah, taxing.

[Moving on from that, to the much more difficult question.]

What do I dream for...?

[He falls a little quiet, lost in thought for a moment.

[ The knowing laugh makes him beam in return. Cheeky, cheater. But he guesses he has to give it to Knowledge for Knowing.

If he does.

"Riveting conversation" makes him laugh in turn, a little disparaging to himself, cause it's only been questions. But that will change. As here, while Blueberry thinks, Vanilla will offer his own responses! ]

It has been quite rude of me to ask and yet offer no responses of my own! Please, while you think?

[ He closes his eyes and concentrates. Searches for that connection between them that lets... there! He sets the tin of tea down into his lap and cups his hands, letting little satchels fill them. They're simply cloth bags wrapped around loose tea. The scent of honey and chamomile will fill the air, with the soft touch of dried apricots. And he hands them over with a smile in return. ]

My favorite tea to make. Many of those who come to me are stressed, and the chamomile helps soothe them, while the honey and apricot makes it a sweet treat! And though I am partial to sweets - fruits in particular - I have discovered I quite like savory meaty flavours. Spicy, unfortunately, still ends my life.

[ He laughs a little, picking up the tin again to go back to holding it, like it's precious. Like he hopes, when he wakes up, he can bring it with him. ]

Healing, in turn, has always been the subject I excel at and I strive to learn everything there is to know about it. I hope not only to mend the body, but to soothe the mind and calm the soul. I wish to help many on their journeys into becoming who they can truly be inside.

[ He tilts his head back, glancing upwards again, his eyes tracing the star map. Picking out familiar ones, unfamiliar ones. How many have shifted over the years? Gone out or disappeared? He hums softly. ]

I was blind until most recently, and though I had seeing aid, did not enjoy theater so much because of it. But music, dance. Oh, to connect to someone through the passion in which they play, or move. I did not need sight for that, as my touch and my ears tell me everything. As for flower... aha, yes, it is difficult to choose only one, hm? I do like the Vanilla Beholders, though the flower that has been by my side for as long as I can remember is the white lily, though it is a fragile finicky thing and I oft lose the blooms. I have also found myself quite drawn to the cacao flower, and how small and delicate it is, but how mighty the pod it sprouts is! I have not come across any Milkcrown, but I would gladly lend my aid in their cultivation if you finding it taxing. Many hands together, after all.

[It would be no fun to reveal everything right away? It is like a game, and perhaps Pure Vanilla simply needs to ask the right questions. Besides, he would like this conversation to last a little while, so maybe he is being a mite greedy with how much he gives away at once.]

[But of course, he was not going to ask much in return, so when Pure Vanilla decides to offer a fair exchange, he lights up. Yes, he is supposed to be thinking about that question, but he finds that question to be strangely daunting and thinks maybe he would like to hear about his guest instead.]

[He holds out his hands to receive the tea and holds them in his hands like they are precious gems.]

Oh, that sounds lovely. I will have to try some as soon as possible. Thank you very much.

[And that is such sincerity from him.]

Healing is an admirable focus to have, it's true. While not my specialty, I did teach it, and found those students to be among my favorites. One does not remain in such a field without being very dedicated, you see.

[He nods a little at his choice in flowers. Yes, this does not seem to surprise the Sage across from him.]

Ah, Vanilla Beholders, I do so love those, too. I have many of those planted, as well. I was fond of them around the Academy, and they would often whisper to me silly things the students did and said, hoo hoo. [He covers his mouth as he laughs, a silly, mischievous thing.]

As for the Milkcrown, if you would like to see them later, I would be happy to show you. They are not a delicate flower per se, but they will only sprout from soil that has been soaked with tears.

Edited 2025-03-15 21:13 (UTC)

[ He hopes he's able. He hopes that, after this moment, he can try some. That it's not a simple manifestation of their Soul Jams connecting.

Yet if it isn't, it tears at him to think of all the time he's spent alone here. Shadow Milk avoiding this little part of himself, letting Blueberry languish alone. If Pure Vanilla can, he's going to fix that. Change that. Somehow.

Of course, those thoughts are wiped from his mind the moment Blueberry admits to the Beholders whispering, stomping his foot gently in indignation but also justification. ]

Ah! I knew it! I knew they were spying! Lily never saw it, but I remember having a staring contest with one and it winking! And the faculty always managed to find us until we started using the Greenhouse!

[ He puffs his cheeks outwards into a pout, pouting down at the tin can in his hands, trying not to kick his feet in a tantrum. Then he directs his pout to Blueberry and sticks his tongue out childishly. He hopes you enjoyed yourself, you brat.

Exhaling hard, he lifts his hands to move his hair out of his face, pulling it back awkwardly to braid it. He's not good at braiding his own hair, and it's going slightly off to the side, his expression softening as he does. ]

Soaked with tears... [ He wonders how thick Blueberry's garden is. ] Will happy tears count?

[He can't help it. Blueberry Milk bursts into laughter. It is a joyous sound, of both smug amusement and sincere happiness. Like watching a happy little punchline from one of his favorite puppet shows.]

Of course, of course, it would be remiss of me to not have eyes all over a school in which the students there are far too cunning for their own good. Do you think you two were the first to ever try and experiment with the forbidden? Laaaaaughable~

If your drive could not withstand the watchful eyes of those who might stop you, then is it really drive at all?

[To Vanilla's tongue, Blueberry simply grins. Pleased and unbothered. He certainly did.]

[Ah, but that is a sobering question. His expression turns thoughtful.]

In theory yes, though I ...must admit, I have not done much experimenting in that regard.

Hmph.

[ He's not deigning to answer that, thank you. Is it really drive at all? When does drive become obsession? When does drive falter in the face of morality? When does drive close its eyes to avoid the truth of itself?

He sighs heavily again, still a bit pouty of the reveal, but his smile when he offers it to Blueberry is genuine. Wide. ]

Then, we shall experiment. Tears of joy, tears of laughter. Tears that cleanse away the pain. Would you let me experiment with you?

[Those are very good questions! Were they in a classroom setting, he might have encouraged such a debate! These are all things worth considering, worth learning, they are paths worth taking for good or ill. The beauty of Knowledge at it's fullest, is how it may be applied so many different ways for so many different means. How every path is different and thus the Truths and Lies learned will differ.]

[But, to his proclamation, Blueberry Milk's expression turns a touch sad. Regretful. He wipes it away before he stands up, walking over to Vanilla to present his hands. There is something hesitant about it, but he does seem determined.]

My friend, though I have done all I could to stall out our time here, I fear its growing ever shorter. You may have to experiment without me, but I would still like to show them to you. We may continue speaking along the way, will you have me?

[ And Vanilla feels the same sadness. Isn't that always the nature of dreams. A moment in hours, hours in a few moments. He had hoped, longed for it, that they could have a moment longer. That they could dance a little longer with their words, that Vanilla could pry out answers about who Blueberry is a little longer.

Still, when those hands are offered him, he smiles around the ache in his heart and reaches out to take them with his own, letting Blueberry help him to his feet. Sorry if this puts him right into your space, Blueberry.

Of course he makes sure to tuck his little tin of tea into his robes. He knows it won't come with him, but he can hope. Hope is what makes the journey worthwhile. ]

Of course I will, for as long as you will have me in turn. I am loathe to end our meeting so short, after all. If there is anything I can do to help stall, let me know. I'm here for you.

[That is quite okay. Look at how Blueberry comes up just shy of your eye level, with his cute sensible little flats. He smiles, happy that Vanilla has agreed. He gently squeezes their hands together and will lead him to a bookcase.]

[A secret passage to his special greenhouse. It is a short walk, but a lovely one all the same.]

Of course. [Though he thinks that maybe it is out of their hands for now. For Reasons.] You asked me a question that I did not have an answer for, at first. I fear it is still not a satisfying answer at all, but would you like to hear it?

[About yearning, and about his dreams.]

You have already given me something precious. [Company.] And I will treasure it eternally, but I yearn for a day where I might no longer be here, at all.

[He gives him a little smile.]

He considers me to be dead, and in some ways, he is correct. Death however, as your tarot cards will tell you, is not an end, it is simply change. Transformation. I both no longer exist, and will always exist, within him. The day he understands that he is capable of climbing free of the shallow grave he woke in, is the day that I will leave this place. I hope to see that day come. Perhaps, then, I will get to see your experiments with the Milkcrown in earnest.

[ A secret passage, and he laughs, because ah. How familiar. A small path behind his room that leads to a greenhouse blossoming with lilies. He curls his fingers against Blueberry's as they walk, before winding one arm around his to hold him to his side.

And he nods, then listens, and oh. Oh he's aware. All this time then... His gaze turns sad, pinched, and he stops their walking to turn towards the other again, raising a hand to cup his cheek. He brushes his thumb lightly over the cheekbone. ]

He will come around, my dear. He has been alone for so long, he has been twisted so badly, that it is a difficult knot to unravel. But he takes steps every day towards you, shaky and timid as they are, they are nonetheless steps under his own will.

[ He closes his eyes and leans forward to rest their foreheads together. Why wouldn't he? It's the soul he loves, someone he's been searching for before he was aware he was searching for them. ]

And I promise to be by his side the entire time, to support him and help lift him higher. Someday I will see you looking back at me, the two of you made whole again, and that day will mark a wonderful day for a new batch of Milkcrown. A new beginning.

[His eyes flutter shut to such a touch, as it's clear that even Blueberry Milk is quite touch-starved. Perhaps even more so, and he melts to that touch. It feels like bliss, this moment, but he knows it must be brief.]

[He pulls away with such reluctance, pressing a soft kiss to the hand that was once cupped along his face, before he finally pulls him into the greenhouse proper.]

I have not given up on him, so ...I thank you for doing the same. I hope ...you will forgive my little charade. I wanted us to meet in a way that felt proper, to hear your name spoken with your own voice.

[The greenhouse is bursting with life, and it has many, many kinds of flowers, but it will become abundantly clear, as he steps towards the middle, that the Milkcrown is all around them, almost choking out the rest of the plants. It is abundant, and filling the greenhouse to the brim.]

I've waited so long to meet you, Other Half of My Soul. I am ...sorry, that I could not hold out, in the end.

There is nothing to forgive. Who would I be, if I didn't understand you?

[ The amount of Milkcrown is downright painful and Vanilla's steps falter a little, his eyes sweeping across the way they choke out every other plant almost. The tears Blueberry has wept would fill an ocean, and instead here they make the Milkcrown overwhelming.

He won't add his own pained tears to the mix, even as he feels the urge. Instead he stops with Blueberry in the middle and turns towards him again, takes his hands tightly in his. ]

No. Do not apologize, my Other Half. It was out of your control, it was beyond us both. What matters is that we are together now. That we have met, and there is nothing now that can pull us apart.

[ He pulls Blueberry in against him and wraps his arms around him, tucks him in tightly. Offers support, offers love. ]

I love you, and have loved you since before I knew you. And always shall.

[Ah, he is very kind. Even without his Knowledge, he can see as much from the way he is holding back tears from seeing the flowers. How he forgives so easily. Of course he does, he's seen as much through "his" eyes. He Knows and yet to receive it...]

[He does not protest the way he is pulled in, held fast against him. It is a surprise, in that he simply cannot recall such a sensation in all his long life, but it's warm and safe and all encompassing. The Fount of Knowledge cracks quietly, against the robes of Truth.]

[The Milkcrown will not get these tears, not this time. He fists his hands into the back of Vanilla's clothing and holds him tight. Holds him like a lifeline as he feels the end of this dream slowly creep up on them. The edges of the world begins to burn brightly, reality pulling at their seams.]

Y-Yes...I. I also-

[And then in a blink, it's over. Pure Vanilla will find himself cast into the soft embrace of the Other-Realm before sleep flees him like a frightened lamb.]

[ No, he wants to cry. Please, a little longer! Just another moment, another breath, another beat of his heart! Just a little longer!

But there's no holding on when the world pulls apart around them, and in the span of one thought and another, he's awaking with a start, eyes flying open. The weight in his arms is similar but different, the tickle of the Other-Realm creeps along his skin, and his face is damp with tears.

Many of which have been lost in the skin he was pressed in to. He takes in a shuddery breath and carefully pulls away to sit himself up, tucking blankets around Shadow Milk to keep him warm. Then he sits there, cradling his face in his hands, keeping his weeping silent.

He didn't get to apologize to Blueberry for taking too long to find him. For hiding away from Knowledge and Truth, because if he had simply embraced it all to begin with - all the Deceit - he might have reunited with him sooner. ]

[Shadow Milk does not stir immediately. His is a much slower rouse, like coming out of a long, deep slumber where the dreams so long gone before you even think about them. The shift behind him, the blankets, the absense of Pure Vanilla wrapped around him like a safety blanket, these are all things that finally bring him around.]

[But perhaps what finally does it is the soft voice that speaks to him. He does not remember the words, or even who it belonged to, just that there was profound sadness and regret in them, and it wells up in his chest like a fount. It forces him awake after he is simply unable to endure it's pain.]

[His hair stirs, writhes as he pushes himself to his elbows with a start. He chokes out a frightened sob, and he too, is drenched with his own tears.]

What-

Edited (just didnt fuickin finish a sentence i guess) 2025-03-16 02:41 (UTC)

[ The stirring and sudden noise from Shadow Milk makes him drop his hands, wiping away tears hastily as he turns to the other. ]

Oh, Bluebird...

[ He reaches out to gather Shadow Milk up into his arms, turning him gently so he's facing him, tucking him into his shoulder. His hold is tight, comforting, offering security. ]

Shh, it's all right.

[ Does he remember? Does he know? Or does he just feel the ache of something that was. He presses a kiss to his temple, burying his face into his head as he holds him. ]

[He is flustered by suddenly being handled while he can't get control of his emotions. Why is he so upset? Why is this sadness like a well, an ocean within him? Oh creators, make it stop.]

[He holds onto Vanilla to find some kind of purchase, fingernails biting into skin and heaves one more horrific sob before he finally calms back down.]

I-I don't- Let ...let me go. I don't know why-

[Don't actually let him go, he's just really freaked out. The eyes in his hair are stressed and distraught, confused and anguished.]

[ The pain of the nails biting into him doesn't even make him blink and he shhh's again softly to the words spilling out of him. He knows better than to let him go. Instead he tightens his hold, let's him feel the heart beat against him. Shakes his head and strokes a hand up and down his spine. ]

Breathe, my Bluebird. I will explain when you have calmed.

[ And until he's calmed, Vanilla will simply hold him, soothing him with gentle touches and soft murmurs into his ear. ]

I'm here, you're not alone, focus on me.

[Oh good, he didn't listen. Shadow Milk just lets himself be held, tucks himself right against Vanilla, and then tries to listen to the pounding of his heart. It grounds him slowly, as that grief slowly works it's way out of him.]

[It takes a little time, which leaves Vanilla a moment with his thoughts while he settles down. Shoulders untense, and his breathing evens out. He's spent and exhausted suddenly against him, but he makes no effort to speak at first.]

[What had been that dream...? Did something happen? Why did Vanilly say he would explain? Suspicion rouses in him for a moment, and he finally leans back to look at him, searchingly, eyes narrowing a little.]

What did you do.

[ The feeling of suspicion hurts but he gets it, especially after the amount of grief it placed Shadow Milk in. The pain. He can't hide the brief flash of his own pain on his face as his Other-Half leans back and searches him like that. He keeps himself open, his hands moving to settle onto Shadow Milks arms instead. ]

I don't know.

[ It's the Truth. He doesn't know what happened. They're both naked, so there's no jams to touch. He moves his hands down to take Shadow Milks and closes his eyes, opens his mind for the other so he can dive in and look. See what happened.

Before he does though he whispers a soft This might hurt, my Bluebird into his mind. ]

[To his benefit, when he hears the way he answers that question and reads the Truth from it, he immediately kills that suspicion. It's habit, he can't help it. He's learning to trust a little more every day, even with Pure Vanilla.]

[Anyway, this just sets him a little more on edge, though, for him to be acting that way. For him to open his mind but then give him such a warning. What on earth could he possibly be about to show him?]

[Oh it is so much worse than he could have possibly guessed.]

[He only lasts a few moments into the memory. As Vanilla walks the halls of the Spire of Knowledge, and unfathomable dread begins to build in his get. But of course, the sound of the voice calling out to him, the opening of the door-]

[and then seeing him-]

[Shadow Milk simply can't handle it.]

NO!

[He recoils away from Pure Vanilla as if burned, in a way so violent it's almost reminiscent of his first encounter with Truthless out in the woods. That face, that appearance, that person. No, no, no, how can it be? He's dead! He's dead, and he's been dead for thousands of years! He is the one who killed that miserable, pathetic cookie!]

[What was Pure Vanilla doing gallivanting with him? With that ghost? What on Earthbread is happening-]

[ Oh, 'this might hurt' was definitely an understatement. The sensation from the other rolls hot through him, makes him wince as his Bluebird jerks back like that, leaves his hands empty and curling lightly onto themselves. It hurts, because Shadow Milk is hurt. Angry. The violence churns in him like it would have before.

It was a mistake showing him, but there is no secrets between them. Vanilla refuses. He settles his hands in his lap, his expression miserable. ]

I'm sorry, Bluebird.

[ For showing him. For reopening that wound that was closed, though he's not sure how he did it. For knowing this may make him take several steps backwards, killing the progress he had been making. It was too much, too soon... ]

[It certainly feels that way, doesn't it. It rises in him like a violent tsunami, that anger, but Vanilla will also know it for what it really is. It's fear, its upset, it's dread and confusion. It's the reason he struggles to look in a mirror, why he shapeshifts away that golden eye still.]

[Vanilla got to meet Blueberry Milk Cookie in a moment where he was perhaps feeling his utmost happy, but Shadow Milk remembers what it felt to be him in his utmost misery. He remembers the anguish, the loneliness, and the moment his mind finally cracked. How that cookie died to make way for the monster.]

[That he has awakened fills him with horror, because it means he could find that place again. That he could open himself up to that pain again. He can't, he won't, he'll kill that cookie a hundred times if he has to-]

[Shadow Milk screams, reels back, and slams his fist through the headboard of the bed. It does not give very much other that a sickening crack, splintering the wood just a bit, but leaving something bloody in it's wake.]

Edited 2025-03-16 06:30 (UTC)

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